How Becoming a Disciple of Jesus, NOT a Pretender, Helps You Win at Life and Girls

(This is the final part of a 3 part series titled How to Get a Girl Who’s Better Than You. Part 1 is here, part 2 is here.)

In a world in which I lived with a stick up my butt, I’d tell you how much I hate this title. The implication that you should get serious with God to get a girl is nauseating.

I used to hate when girls on the prowl would show up to Bible study, scope out an opportune dude, and convince him promptly to become a husband and disappear from Bible study FOREVER (this is how I saw the process). Needless to say, I didn’t end up with those girls or anyone for about a decade.

But now that we’re dropping the holier than thou tone and being real, I have to bluntly say I don’t care if anyone complains that I’m advocating using Jesus to get to Jessie’s girl. This is a Fools blog, not a namby-pamby Christina one.

We all know to win at life you have to give your life to Jesus. You’ve got to surrender it all — your heart, your love, devotion — to the King before you can submit your application as humble subject to fulfilled FULL life land.

I’m not going to pretend it’s any different with girls. The ones you really want, the godly ones who offer a life of dedicated love, service, faithfulness and maturity, are looking for more than someone who wears the same shirt every day, leaves bacon grease on the back splash, and pretends to sing after his ball and chain drags him to church.

The real question is — when your Woman of Dreams looks at you, does she see a project guy who hopes to win her with his game or Man She Can Trust to Love and Lead Her For Rest of Life?

This is the game breaker.

I hate to break the secret, but the best of the BEST Christian girls are looking for a guy who’s stronger than them spiritually because they know he will lead her into a deeper, richer union with Jesus. That’s what they want.

I’ve heard this from countless single Christian girls.

It’s the essential of how to get a girl who’s better than you. Become a leader who can spiritually lead her in Christ.

If you’ve never thought of it this way, let’s put it in perspective.

God calls you to be the head of your family, including that adorable Beauty you hope will bat her eyes at you until they’re so wrinkled she can hardly roll them. God takes the responsibility of her spiritual development from her adoring, slightly stressed father (after glancing in your direction) and gives it to you.

That means when she chooses a husband, she’s choosing the man who will be her pastor for the rest of her life.

You will be directly responsible for the spiritual depth in her life and her beloved bouncing offspring’s. If you aren’t building a sterling resume now (of actual spiritual maturity), why should she give you the job?

The smart ones — the best ones — won’t. And they shouldn’t. Unless you got it.

Sorry. Not being arrogant or condescending (we’re all works in progress here, including me); I’m being REAL. That’s how it works, buddy. If you want more than a hot, flighty thing who has Christian in her twitter bio, this is the game you have to win or spit or whatever you want to call it.

You gotta BE it, a leader of men in God. Before you even have a shot.

Jesus-goggles looking a little better right about now? I’d live for God if I were stranded on a deserted island with nothing but a volleyball named Wilson. And that — that — is what godly Christian girls crave. Godliness that’s bigger than them, that points them to him alone, not you. And ironically, that’s how you get them to notice you.

When you think of it this way, if you were her Dad, would you be the man YOU would recommend her to marry? If not, let’s get to work.

There really is no other choice.

Sadly, not every guy gets this before he contends for the ring.

One guy I know won his girl, married her, then lost her because he had a porn addiction she saw as cheating.

Another lost the girl after a few dates because he slept with her instead of protecting her purity, and her conscience kicked in and she kicked him out.

I’m going to tell you something that’s going to rock you, but it’s absolutely true.

He could’ve earned his dream girl’s affection for a lifetime by NOT sleeping with her, because of how blown away she would’ve been by a guy protecting her purity instead of being like every other guy who tries to take it from her.

Think this standard is too high or prudish? Apparently you don’t know your dream girl. That’s why you’re never going to get her. You’ve been influenced by a worldly standard so far off her radar you have no clue what she’s fantasizing about. Sweet dreams with that, buddy.

This is possibly the single most important key to winning a girl who’s better than you, alongside winning her dreams with your character.

Do you see how this takes years? And how neglecting your relationship with God is the one sure way to lose her before you even meet her?

The truth is, you will never get the girl of your dreams, descending out of the clouds like a dove on your shoulder, if you don’t get serious about Jesus and become a leader in God FIRST. Not a pretender whose lips drip with Bible references as thickly as they do game and self-love, but a serious disciple of Christ.

Recently, a friend of mine was thinking about getting married and she solicited my advice. I told her, “Your decision isn’t — ‘Do I love him?’ or ‘Do I want to be with him for the rest of my life?’ That answer is going to be yes. The real question is — ‘Do I want this man to pastor me for the rest of my life?’ ‘Is he an upgrade from my Dad and the current spiritual leaders in my life and the best pastor in the world I can get?’

I and every cricket outside knew the answer to that question, and sadly, she didn’t listen to the silence in that moment. And it didn’t turn out well.

But that’s how high the stakes are.

You only have one life. It’s time to BE the man she can answer “Yes!” to the question of if you’re the BEST MAN to pastor her for the rest of her life.

Build that maturity and AWESOME girls will line up for you to love them (*in their hearts, not in real life).

I should probably tell my story.

When I was 16 I got no girls. Zero. Pathetic looks in my direction. Clarification — one girlfriend who when she realized I liked her promptly broke up with me.

At 17 I dated a few girls who stuck around long enough for each of us to realize there was nothing of substance. I spent my 20s not dating and developing my inner man. Becoming a spiritual warrior focused on Christ alone. When I emerged back into the light of the real world at 30, I was a virgin Bible study leader with absolutely no game, no fashion, no compelling style or striking looks, but scads of girls lined up to date. I was floored.

I’d like to pretend it was my awesomeness, but in reality, I had guts, character, and God. As girls get older and start looking around for a future instead of a good night, there is a dearth of that specific supply. Most guys are tools still playing the old game. It’s the girls and the game that have changed. It wasn’t about me. The best girls, not shallow or superficial ones — real women who love and support and nurture and follow a godly guy — have a scale that becomes rooted in GOD alone.

In my story, another masculine, no-frills guy in my group pulled me aside and remarked under his breath at one of the amazing, highly sought after girls we’d been talking to, “Man that girl’s impenetrable.”

I had begun dating her that week. How could I tell him?

No girl is impenetrable. They just have a different scale than we’re looking at. I walked up with boldness and asked her out and she said yes.

I ended up marrying that girl.

Unfortunately, the sad fact is it’s usually only d** bags with well-practiced game who aren’t too intimidated to walk up to them, and some girls finally give in from waiting so long for you to try. But the good guys who practice their game with God instead of girls are the ones they really want.

I’ve still got no game, just guts and God. But I’ve got a marriage and a dream girl and a family I thank God for every day.

So go out and build your WARRIOR in Christ. Do it for God, because he’s worth it, far more than any girl. And do it for you. But do it also because a woman out there will thank God someday you did. She’s praying for you right now.

The rest is up to you.

– JP