I think it’s the one song that as a single girl we get excited about and rush to the dance floor at a wedding. “If you liked it then you shoulda’ put a ring on it.” Then we’re like “YEAH! I’m single! Whoah oh oh, oh oh oh, oh oh oh, oh oh oh.”
Then every other day we’re like, “Being single sucks.”
Then on Valentine’s Day we’re like “Happy Single Awareness Day B**ches.” (I don’t cuss, I promise. I just feel that it goes with that.) Or we rant about how it’s just another Hallmark holiday to make a ton of money. It’s rare to find a single person who enjoys Valentine’s Day. I did see one single person on my Newsfeed last night who said she likes the day. And she’s single. You know what? GOOD FOR HER.
I celebrated my first Valentine’s Day at age 24. I mean, I always got a super cute little package from my sweet mommy. She always reassured me that I was her Valentine. Thank God for mothers like that. It makes the day slightly less unbearable. So back to my first Valentine’s Day…I had been dating this guy for about 3 months and he set up this super romantic night for me. It was everything I could have dreamed. I figured THIS must be what EVERY couple experiences on this day and why it really is a big deal. I had been single my whole life. (I even had my first kiss at 24. Lame, I know.) The next year he cooked me dinner at his place and we danced in the kitchen right in front of the window for the whole neighborhood to see. It was a nice evening. Later that year we ended up married and for the next two years I was pregnant on Valentine’s Day. I don’t remember a single thing about those days. I was probably vomiting with acid reflux.
As this Valentine’s Day approached, I started to think about how much pain and longing I felt on Valentine’s Day as a single person. Why couldn’t I have a Valentine? Why does everyone get so excited about the celebration of a saint? A saint that I have no clue about. Who was St. Valentine? Idk. And no, I’m not looking it up. Maybe I will once my kids are old enough to talk and ask me. Then I will be forced to find out. I think most people who celebrate this day don’t even know who the saint is. It’s just a day to ask someone to “Be Mine.” With social media and so many people posting statuses and pictures, it can make the day even more difficult. As someone just mentioned to me, there have been a lot of bitter statuses out there already.
Please, take this day to celebrate the ones you love. The ones who have always been there for you. Celebrate your family. If you’re a single mom, celebrate that beautiful child you have. You are BEYOND blessed, single mom. If you are just plain single, like I always was, then buy yourself some chocolate and spend some time with your mom. She, after all, was your first Valentine. (If you live in my hometown, then I recommend How Sweet It Is Chocolate Factory and get a dark chocolate covered potato chip.) Or, just don’t celebrate it. There’s nothing wrong with that.
Because I have a secret for you.
Singleness is a season. It’s important to know what kind of season you’re in. For example, I’m in child-rearing season. I’m frequently pregnant. I change a lot of diapers and nurse a child. I have about 25 pounds to lose and stretch marks that I’m sure will never go away. But, it’s a season. It has its downs, but it has some AMAZING ups. I look back at being single. It had its downs, especially on Valentine’s Day. But it also had its ups, like getting to charge the dance floor to Beyonce. Know your season and embrace it. Seasons change, and you don’t get them back.
So, to all my single ladies, NOW PUT YOUR HANDS UP!
Thanks Angela….I have been single for most of my valentines days(i’m almost 40)…It does get frustratingly lonely when EVERYONE else is planning such wonderful things…this post and the one Richard did earlier today really helped me feel better. I know the Lord of the universe holds me in his heart..and that one is the most important one to be held in!! so thanks for the encouragement…lots of love in CHRIST..–Becca
Becca, thanks so much for sharing. It can be such a tough day for so many people. It always was for me. With people posting things on social media, it can make it even more difficult. The greatest love isn’t in any human being, rather Christ. Happy Valentine’s Day to you. God bless. :)
-angela
Thanks Angela for the thoughtful article on the good, the bad and the ugly of Valentine’s Day.
Holidays can be sad if one has lost a loved one in the past on that day.
Every February I struggle with depression, because Valentine’s Day is the day 34 years ago that my brother Rob passed away.
I was 17 and a senior in high school.
I cherish his memory and know that he’d wish my family and I would let go of the hollow and ache left in our hearts and live life to its fullest, as God intended.
This year my husband, a pastor, told our congregation about my bouts with depression this time of year and asked for prayers for healing. Miraculously, after all these years of depression, the grey clouds have lifted, and hope is breaking through.
I wish you could’ve met my brother, he’d be 58 if still with us. I’m thankful for having had such an awesome big brother and Christian witness in my life for my first 17 years.
Thanks for pointing out some of the other sides of Valentine’s Day.
Today, at our home, we are giving thanks and celebrating my miraculous healing.
Now I’m able to once again say,
Happy Valentines Day! :)
Praise God for you, Susan! What an awesome testimony. I can’t imagine that pain. But the thing that really impresses me is the greatness of our God to be in the midst of it, even to make it new. He is ever there and welcoming us into the joy he intended life to be for us in the beginning. That’s a blessing the memories you have with your brother. In the end, this life will be a breath, but it will be filled up, fully lived, what we had. And we’ll be in life unending.
Wow, Susan. I couldn’t imagine losing a sibling. There is so much hurt that goes on in people that we are not aware of. Praise God that the cloud is lifting. You are an amazing woman, such a great example. Thank you for your love and support. And a VERY HAPPY Valentine’s Day to you, Susan! xoxo
-angela
Thanks for the compliment Ang. I have to say that elementary school conditioned me for my interpretation and celebration of Valentine’s Day. Maybe it was my teachers who are responsible for what would be called in this generation as me being a “player”. I knew we were headed for trouble in the hearts of sensitive and romantic young ladies these day when we began to define the natural process of choosing a life-time mate. For starters, we (as children) reminded our parents to get us a BOX of valentines at the nearby grocery to give to EVERYONE in our class at school. Thus, recognizing everyone’s importance and value. I remember picking out the biggest and most expressive ones in the assortment and reserving them for those I considered my bestest boyfriends. Yes I said “boy” “friends”. (Ok…maybe MY mom had a little to do with it too). However, NO ONE was left out. As years passed, I loved randomly giving valentine “stuff” to friends and family and still do to this day. Back to redefining courtship. To all the single ladies, I must say that Valentine’s Day was “interesting” for me cause I had alot of guy friends that I could hang with and even “date” from time to time WITHOUT a commitment and Valentine’s Day was full of surprises. Nowadays that’s BAD!!! You all have allowed society to dictate how you choose your “forever” valentine. If you’re not allowed to “go out” with more than one person then HOW will you ever know what you want FOREVER. Some of you have long surpassed the age you wanted to be married cause you dated the SAME GUY for five to 10 years (as though you were married) and “it just didn’t work out!”. Somewhere down the road, IF you had allowed yourself to be “free” and socialize with whoever you felt like it (I said “socialize” not “have sex”) without a “commitment” then a more dominant relationship would have presented itself more naturally. The “in a relationship” status of fb STINKS! if I was single these days I would certainly protest!. I used to tell my guy friends that “I’m not committed to any one person until I KNOW that he’s the one I’m seriously considering marrying”. (Not just “trying it out”) They didn’t necessarily like that…what guy would??? But, that’s the one thing we have the right as a single lady to do and that is to choose who and how we select “the one”. Sure, we had the exchange of class rings or the “I’m going steady with…”, but I believe it’s a shame that a girl has to feel “cheap” or “bad” because she is hanging with a few guys at the same time to get to know them better…and if he doesn’t want to wait around…then so be it. What if one of the three was “the one” she could connect with better and “wasn’t allowed” unless she broke it off with the other person. I say, girls, take your place and stop getting bound by commitments that are not meant for a lifetime. (same goes for the guys) Enough said. I may get really shot down by this, but …”may the best guy for you win!” Don’t be sooo easy! He’s to love you as “Christ loved the church and GAVE himself for it”. My favorite quote: “Don’t settle for anything less than God’s best for your life”. Now..as a disclaimer…I am NOT saying those in a serious relationship considering “marriage” should delete your “in a relationship” status. Just spend some time considering what you are really “committing” to. HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY!
Good comment! I agree there’s too much pressure on serious relationships today. Whether the secular pattern of boyfriend/girlfriend or the often common Christian one of courting, there needs to be a natural period of getting to know and even dating the opposite sex without commitment. Otherwise how can you know who to commit to?
My best friend Luke used to echo those same sentiments to me when I was delaying dating to wait for “the one.” He said I’d know what I wanted in a wife better if I casually dated a lot of girls rather than waiting. He was right, in my opinion, although I think my wife doesn’t mind too much. I ended up very blessed. But I think there’s a time for casual dating (w/o sex) to get to know people and a natural time for serious relationships to develop in the natural relationship progression, rather than forcibly too deep or too fast.
I agree Cheryl and JP!
I can’t stand the Facebook “in a relationship” status either, Cheryl. Many teens tend to post this status after going to just one movie together.
JP and Richard, has the meaning of the word “relationship” changed in the millennial generation? This term wasn’t taken lightly back in the day. It meant a couple had dated for a long time and were in love, not just had been on a date or two and liked each other.
Girls especially feel like misfits when their Facebook status is single. It’s almost as if they want to just find someone to date to be part of the trend. Are some teens dating so that their status can be changed? Are many dating to date?
Facebook has become a match making media as well. It also limits opportunities to get asked out by more than one guy. If a guy sees a girl he thinks is cute, but her status on Facebook is “in a relationship” he may shy away. Well, it depends on the guy, of course. I guess it works the other way too, now that girls ask guys out on dates.
I asked my teen daughters why the schools no longer have a Sadie Hawkins dance, and they laughed saying, “mom, girls ask guys out all the time, there’s no need for one anymore!”
I said, you two don’t. They said, “yes, but we’re not normal”
The norm has changed for the worse, I believe.
What do you fools think? Am I a dinosaur, as my kids think at times? What’s happened to relationships in this generation?
What do you think about the meaning of the word relationship???
JP, Angela and Richard, how has the meaning changed over time, if it has changed?
Don’t you think it’s nuts to change a Facebook status to “in a relationship” if the two people hardly know each other?
In my childhood years, relationship was not taken lightly, it meant a lot more than a date or two. It meant love and commitment.