Everyone from the lowliest of social outcasts to the highest of socialites has to work on relationship issues, from Kim Kardashian and Kanye West to Beyonce and Jay-zee. From Brad Pit and Angelina Jolie to Gisele and Tom Brady. Even a deity. That’s right, God is constantly in a state of wooing and improving the quality of his currently 2.8 billion relationships. Of course it’s a two-way street and many of those relationships are hardly functional because they haven’t stopped to say hi to God in years. Some aren’t even on a first name basis with him, a strange sort of celestial arranged marriage in which they won’t ever remove the veil but haven’t stopped asking the Father to repay the dowry.
But some are deeply in love and can’t get enough of God.
Basically, it’s hard to have a relationship with anyone, but it can be even harder to have a relationship with God. I mean, the perfection standard and inferiority complex can be difficult to overcome, but when done right, nothing matches the power, beauty, and intimacy of a relationship with God. He’s the Almighty — the incredible One — what more could you want? But if you’re going to succeed in a relationship with God at that level, there are a few things you should know.
How to Assess Your Dating Relationship With God
1. Assess Whether You or God is Having Difficulty With Spiritual Commitment
Let’s see how God adds up here:
- God was exclusive with his Bride through adultery and unfaithfulness for hundreds of years.
- He put up with forty years of living in a tent and never getting his dream house without complaining.
- He stuck by David and Solomon and all the kings when they made him look bad and Peter and Thomas when they disowned or doubted him.
- He died for his love, the Bride.
Now take a look at your commitment level:
- You’ve been looking around to say the least.
- Searching for love in all the wrong places — work, human flings, the new four-wheeler (his personally hardest one to cope with).
- You don’t stop by his house and talk like you did in the beginning.
- You’re tired after spending like 1.5 minutes with him.
2. Review Your and God’s Relationship History
How many times have you broken up with God? Do you find yourself cheating on him? Finding your fulfillment elsewhere? Do you get tired of him easily?
Let’s take a pulse on the relationship.
It was nice in the beginning, sure, when you go back to the Garden with him thinking about how he’d win you or start at the first signs he gave that he was looking for more than just lip service, but actual love. He made it so clear he really cared about you. And then… after the initial honeymoon subsided, what did you have in common? Shared interests, likes and dislikes, lifestyle of doing things together? Did you think of inviting him on that trip to Aspen or Vegas with you? Because he went and sat a few rows back on the plane to give you space, but it was awkward. Actually, to tell you the truth there have been a lot of awkward moments since you stopped taking him out except for his birthday and anniversary of his return to life.
3. Write Down Any Problems That Are Occurring in the Prayer Room
Ooh, this can be a touchy one. Do you find yourself distracted, thinking about someone else? When’s the last time you’ve spent time just holding each other? I bet God’s got a list of things he’d like to say to you, probably topping it off with, “I love you.” Maybe you should write a few of your own down, too. Tell him everything you’ve been thinking that he’d like to hear. And where you see the relationship going in the next, oh, eternity of years you’re building together.
Just spending some time with him is a huge turn-on for him. Beyond the feelings or attraction, God just loves spending time with you.
4. Have You and God Discussed the Status of Your Relationship?
This could be a rough conversation. God was thinking this would be it — that you were the one — since you met. Are the feelings mutual? It can be pretty awkward dating a God if he’s got eternity-long matrimony on his mind and you’re just up for the casual fling, at least ’til Christmas when the presents have come.
Casually dating a God is never a good idea. He’s not Bruce Banner; he’s not going to turn green and start chucking things around. But no one wants to have that, “I’d like to start seeing other people,” talk on the playground with God. Perhaps you should decide the status of your relationship with him now and throw yourself in head over heels ’til the very end.
It’ll be a whirlwind relationship and I promise the best is always yet to come.
5. Do You Have One Night Stands With God?
You know, those really lonely nights when you return to your “go to” guy. The one who’s always there and available no matter how long it’s been since you’ve contacted him. Is that God? Just waiting by the phone while you party with all your other gods then call him up when you’re lonely? This is a sucky place for a stud like God to be. A desperate, lonely place. Sure, he loves you, so he’s giving you another shot. Again. But how long should a God string things along when it’s clear the other party isn’t all in beyond the moment’s needs? He’s desperate for you, but he’s got self-respect.
In the end, it’s all about the Rock. He’s pledged his life and said the vows. Are you ready to make him your One and only?
Or is next weekend still single and ready to mingle?
6. Is There Chemistry Between You and God?
Do you look at him longingly? Desire after him? It’s theological — Song of Songs was written for the two of you. I’m not quite sure how climbing the palm tree and taking hold of its pomegranates factors in, but it sounds hot. Essentially, God’s got his eye on you. Are you ready to turn up the heat — in the prayer room and with the chemistry between the two of you?
He calls you a bride for a reason. He doesn’t have a momentary fling but lifelong passion on his mind. If you’ve never thought of it this way, let me tell you: life with God isn’t platonic and it’s in no way casual. He wants to be everything to you. Sure, he’s your friend, but only in the same way your husband or wife is, the forever kind.
The kind you can go to sleep next to and wake up happy. The kind you can mess up your hair, stay in your pjs, and still look just as good. The kind who listens to your secrets — not because he reads your mind (which he tries not to do unless absolutely necessary), but because you share everything with him. It’s that close. That real. That good.
The kind you can curl up next to — and wrap your heart around — for a lifetime.
The kind that will blow you away in intimacy and love and accept you every moment for the rest of your life if you let him. If you give him more than a momentary fling, but your heart.
God is the best lover you’ll ever have.
Are you just dating God? Or are you ready to settle down and take that step to let him make you his beloved for all time?